Breaded Bliss

Flloyd: Thunder’s Mouth Theatre presents: “Breaded Bliss” Episode 8, the finale to this audio fiction podcast “Baked Off! Live laugh loaves”.  In Brisbane, Margot continues to play detective in her efforts to save Arthur’s medical practice.  In Liverpool, Angelica enjoys some of Julianna’s baking and finally reveals to  just what her new job in Edinburgh involves, and how Julianna is implicated in it. In Edinburgh, Duncan provides the ‘sannies’ (that’s Scots for sandwiches) for a picnic with Malcy and Heather. And on Zoom, Caroline hosts the graduation party, with a surprise ending.  Enjoy...

SCENE 1. Margot, Mr Kandinsky Raman

SURGERY DOOR OPENS, FOOTSTEPS

Margot:                                  Hello?  Oh, hello Mr Pirandello. Who are you waiting for?

Mr Kandinsky:                       The doctor.

Margot:                                  Right.... Have you been waiting long?

Mr Kandinsky:                       Yes.

Margot.:                                 O k.  Is Hilary here?

Mr Kandinsky:                       Who?

Margot:                                  Hilary. The receptionist.  Does she know you're here?

Mr Kandinsky:                       Don't know.

Margot:                                  Did you see her?  When you came in?

Mr Kandinsky:                       No.

Margot:                                  hmm.  That's odd.  [KNOCKS ON THE DESK] Hello?  Hello!  Anybody here?

Mr Kandinsky:                       No. Nobody here.

Margot:                                  [STEPS AND CALLS DOWN THE CORRIDOR]. Hello!!  Help\! Anyone there?

Raman:                                  [DOOR OPENS DOWN THE CORRIDOR]. Yes. Can I help you?

Margot:                                  Ah, Dr Gujral.  Do you know where Hilary is?

Raman:                                  No. I haven't seen her today. Is she not at the front desk?

Margot:                                  Nope. Nobody here but me and Mr Kandinsky.

Raman:                                  Mr Kandinsky?  Îs he alright?

Margot:                                  I wouldn't know. I'm not a doctor.

Raman:                                  Oh, of course not.  I'm sorry. I'll come through in a minute.

Margot:                                  [WALKS BACK TO THE WAITING ROOM]. Dr Raman will be out in a minute, Mr Kandinsky.

Mr Kandinsky:                       Who?

Margot:                                  Oh, sorry, I meant Dr Gujral.

Mr Kandinsky:                       Not Dr Brownlow?

Margot:                                  No, he's in Sydney just now.. Dr Gujral is very good.

Mr Kandinsky.:                     I know. Indian fellow. I like him.

Margot:                                  Good.

Mr Kandinsky:                       Don't like that other fellow.

Margot:                                  Who? Dr Askew.

Mr Kandinsky:                       Him. No good. He's a ragbag.

Margot:                                  I'm sure you're right.

Raman:                                  Mr Kandinsky. Come on through.  Can I help you?

Mr Kandinsky:                       Thank you Doctor Gujral. That's very kind of you. Let me take your arm. That's right.  How is Mrs Gujral?  And the children?

Raman:                                  They are all doing very well thank you.

Mr Kandinsky:                       [THEY HEAD DOWN THE CORRIDOR]. Your little one is so bright, you must be very proud.

Raman:                                  Oh, we are. We are...

Margot:                                  [AS THEY WALK AWAY]. Well, well, well.

Raman:                                  [CALLING BACK] Oh, Ms Parensky!  Margot?  Are you alright?  Do you need to see me?

Margot:                                  No thank you Raman.  I just popped in to see who was here.  Arthur asked me to find out for him.

Raman:                                  Ah.  Yes.  Well. As you see, it is just me.  There were a few patients earlier in the day, but only me to see to them. Do you know when he'll be back in Brisbane.

Margot:                                  Tomorrow. Well, never mind.  I'll let him know.  Thanks again. I'll be off now.

Raman:                                  Right. Good bye then. Now then, Mr Kandinsky, let's get you into this nice chair here.

SCENE 2. ANGELICA JULIANNA

Angelica:                                Mmmmm. This is gorgeous, Jules. You are getting really good at this baking thing.

Julianna:                                Thank you kindly. I do what I can.

Angelica:                                No, but it's REALLY good. I could just eat the whole loaf.

Julianna:                                Well, that's not going to happen. You need to stay fit for this new job you've gone and landed.

Angelica:                                Oh, I'll work off all the extra calories, don't worry about that.

Julianna:                                Well, you know what you're doing, that's for sure.

Angelica:                                Uh hmmm.

Julianna:                                And when are you going to tell me just what it is, that you are doing?

Angelica:                                What do you mean?

Julianna:                                Don't get all cute with me, little  sister. You disappear off to Edinburgh in the middle of the night, and come back two days later with a teaching contract under your belt.  In Edinburgh?  What is it about Edinburgh?

Angelica:                                It's where the job is. I told you. Dance Base. And it's not just a teaching contract.

Julianna:                                Oh? What else is it then?

Angelica:                                Oh Jules, it's just so fantastic. The teaching is conditional on my producing my own creative project?

Julianna:                                What?

Angelica:                                I know!  I get paid to work on the very thing that I've been longing to do for years!  It's a research project, of course, but it's my dream.  I get to work with these amazing young people, at a very high level, and I get to develop my own work. Or rather, OUR own work.

Julianna:                                Who?  Who is the OUR? What's going on here?

Angelica:                                You, Ya dummy.  You and me.  The Siblings of Serenity! Don't tell me you've forgotten it!

Julianna:                                But - but that's just something we made up. For you to play around with, while you got going with your training.

Angelica:                                Oh no. It was never just something to play around with. We put so much into it, and I certainly never abandoned the idea of doing it properly, developing it to a full production. And now we can!

Julianna:                                But, I don't understand. What do I have to do with it now?  It's lovely that you still want to make it. But it's nothing to do with me. I'm delighted, I'll support you, of course, but--

Angelica:                                Oh now. You don't get out of it like that.  You are part of it. It doesn't exist without you. I'm not doing it on my own. Don't think that's going to happen for one minute.

Julianna:                                But sweetheart, what can I do? I haven't danced for years, and you'll be in Edinburgh while I'll be in Liverpool. You need someone your own age, come on, don't be daft!

Angelica:                                I need you.  You need this. You are doing it with me. We will work it out. You can come to Edinburgh, and I can come to Liverpool. We will work on this together. Unless you have a better idea?

Julianna:                                But I'm working, I'm really busy, with Sammy, and Ade and the job and--

Angelica:                                And the baking. Don't forget the baking.  Hey, we'll have to work that in some how! Don't you thing? Great idea!

Julianna:                                You're nuts. Totally bonkers!

Angelica:                                I know.  Duncan told me.

Julianna:                                Who?

Angelica:                                Duncan.  Your baking buddy.

Julianna:                                You've been talking to Duncan? Mmmmm.  Mr Hotty, indeed!

Angelica:                                Yeah. I'd better stop saying that, hadn't I?

Julianna:                                I think so. So when

Angelica:                                So I met him, in Edinburgh.  We had a meal. He's really, really nice.

Julianna:                                Hmmm.  I know.  And now you do too. [SIGH]. Ok.  [LAUGH] I guess you'll get round to telling the whole story eventually. But now, young lady. We have to pick up Sammy from school. And help him with his latest 'assignment'.  It going to be a challenge.

Angelica:                                Goodie.  I love a challenge.

Julianna:                                Obviously.

SCENE 3 Malcy, Duncan Heather

STREET SOUNDS

Malcy:                                    Hey Dunky!

Duncan:                                 Hey Malcy

Malcy:                                    Hey howzit goin'?  Good tae see ya, man.

Duncan:                                 You too.  I'm good. You?

Malcy:                                    Hoh ho!  Ah'm better than good.  I'm just great. Heather says I am.

Duncan:                                 Good to hear it.  Where are we heading then?

Malcy:                                    The Meadows. That alright?

Duncan:                                 Sure.

Malcy:                                    You got the sannies?

Duncan:                                 I do.

Malcy:                                    Heather's bringing the beer.

Duncan:                                 Lovely.

Malcy:                                    So... how did it go?

Duncan:                                 What?

Malcy:                                    Aw c'mon! Don't be shy?  The wee Scouse lassie?

Duncan:                                 Ah.

Malcy:                                    Aye. Did ye hit it off?

Duncan:                                 Hmmm.  Possibly.

Malcy:                                    Ye did!  I can tell. When's she coming back?

Duncan:                                 Oh, she's moving up here in - ah - August I think.

Malcy:                                    She's got the job!  Great!! Hey, there's Heather.  Heather!!!!  Here we are!!

Heather:                                 Hello boys!  There you are! C'mon, I can see a great wee spot. Did you bring the sannies, Duncan?

Duncan:                                 I did.

Heather:                                 Great.  What a grand day it is, is it not? Just grand. And Malcy tells me you've got a girlfriend.  Hey? Where is she? Is she coming? Cannae wait tae meet her.

Duncan:                                 No, [LAUGHS] No, she's not coming. And she's not my girlfriend, I only just met her. She's a - friend of a friend.

Heather:                                 Oh aye!  Pull the other one, It's got bells on it.  You like her. I can tell.

Malcy:                                    He met her online, ye know.

Heather:                                 Oh! Duncan!! I didnae think of you doing the dating sites.

Duncan:                                 I did not meet her on a dating site. I said, she's a friend of a friend.

Malcy:                                    Naw, but ye did meet her online.

Duncan:                                 Sort of. It was a Skype call. With her sister, who is a friend of mine. And she happened to come into the room

Malcy:                                    And they got chatting, and the next thing you know, she's up here in Edinburgh, looking for a job. Smooth operator, our Dunky, eh?

Heather:                                 Very smooth. So... what's she like?

Duncan:                                 Come on guys. Don't do this. Don't spoil a nice picnic, just taking the Micky out of me.

Malcy:                                    But it's fun.

Duncan:                                 I'll take my sandwiches home with me...

Heather:                                 Oh no! Ye mustn't do that!  Come on Malcy, behave yersel'.  Have a beer.

Malcy:                                    Cheers [BEER OPENS]

Heather:                                 Here you go, darlin'.

Duncan:                                 Thank you.

Malcy:                                    You calling him darling now? I thought I was yer darling.

Heather:                                 You're my special darling [BIG SLURPY KISS ON THE CHEEK] . But I'll always have a soft spot for Duncan. I care about him. I want to be sure he gets nothing but the best. So, Duncan. How old is she? Is she tall?  What does she do?

SCENE 4 Margot, Arthur

COFFEE SHOP

Margot:                                  And you've given Wiley Willie his marching orders?  But why don't you sue the rotten sod?  He's been stealing from you for months, why let him get away with it.

Arthur:                                    Because I can't be bothered. It wouldn't achieve anything. He's not going to pay me back. I just want him out of my life.

Margot:                                  Sure. But he gets off Scot free to go and mess up someone else's business.

Arthur:                                    Oh no. No that's not going to happen.

Margot:                                  How not? What's to stop him?

Arthur:                                    The   Health Practitioner Regulation Agency, which oversees his registration. He's been placed under caution. If he puts a foot out of order, he'll lose his licence.

Margot:                                  Oh wow.  Well... Well done, you.

Arthur:                                    No, not me. It was Edie's accountant brother. He did all the checks, figured it all out. Provided the evidence. So thank you, for your help.

Margot:                                  Pht!

Arthur:                                    No, seriously.  If it hadn't been for you, and Edie, I'd probably still be wandering around with my head in a cloud, getting poorer.

Margot:                                  And Raman.

Arthur:                                    You're right.  He is a great colleague. Lucky to have him.

Margot:                                  Yes you are.  So what now?  You going got take on somebody else?

Arthur:                                    Not at the moment.  About time I stepped up to the plate, as it were

Margot:                                  I never knew you played baseball.

Arthur:                                    There's a lot you don't know about me, Ms Parensky!

Margot:                                  Hmmmm?  Tell me more.

Arthur:                                    Not on your Nelly. You've already got enough ammunition on me to last a lifetime.

Margot:                                  Oh.  Spoilsport.

Arthur:                                    And you, what are you up to now?  Planning any more night time raids?

Margot:                                  Not at all. I'm up for an early night. Got my Zoom class first thing in the morning.

Arthur:                                    How's that going?

Margot:                                  This is the last one. Graduation! They've actually all done pretty well. Some better than others, but that's ok with me.

Arthur:                                    And what about the Hang-Gliding, Sky Diving?

Margot:                                  Now that, my friend, is another story...

SCENE 5 ZOOM

ZOOM CALL - GRADUATION

Caroline:                                Welcome, welcome everybody, I think we're all here now. Isn't this exciting? Our final class. Now don't forget to fill in the feedback forms as the end of the session, that was one of the conditions of taking part, if you remember. You just need to say how much you learned, how good the classes were, that sort of thing. And maybe attach some pictures of those wonderful loaves you've all been making. I'll post them on my Instagram page, and you can see how impressive they will look.

Margot:                                  Right, well, I think we'd better crack on, don't you Caro?

Caroline:                                Oh yes, of course, Margot. Over to you. Everybody, please mute yourselves--

Margot:                                  Oh, not yet. No, don't mute yourselves yet. We want to have a bit of a chat first, don't we?  Share our news?  I hope you've all brought some loaves, or slices, whatever, to show us, before we devour them all as part of the graduation celebrations.

Freddie:                                 I made a Dagwood sandwich with mine!

Margot:                                  Good grief, Freddie, I haven't heard that expression for about 50 years!

Freddie:                                 Me neither.  I just remembered it this afternoon. Used to have a playmate in primary school, American, he used to bring them to lunch.

Rosemary,:                            What is it? What's a Dag Wood sandwich?

Margot:                                  Hold it up, Freddie.  [LAUGHS] Oh my!  You certainly have!

JULIANNA:                            Amazing!  What have you got in there?

Duncan:                                 Impressive!

Freddie:                                 There's lettuce, and cheese, and pickles and cucumber and ham, and more cheese - different kind - and roast beef - and mustard, and that funny looking lettuce, what's it called, the spicy one?

Duncan:                                 Rocket. Looks like rocket to me.

Freddie:                                 Oh yes. Rocket. And beetroot.

Margot:                                  Oh, Freddie, you've gone all Aussie now.

Freddie:                                 Have I?  How did I do that?

Margot:                                  It's a firm Australian tradition to have beetroot in your sandwiches. Or is it your hamburgers? Can't remember now. But I don't recall Dagwood ever putting beetroot in his sandwiches.  So you've enhanced the recipe. Well done! Look great.

Rosemary:                             But how is he going to eat it?  He'll never get his mouth wide enough to bite into it? It's huge!

Freddie:                                 Watch, and learn, lassie. You'll be amazed.

Julianna:                                So will I!

Margot:                                  Right then.  Who's next?  Rosemary, what have you brought?

Rosemary:                             Mine's not nearly so grand as Freddie's.  I've made a Danish style, open sandwich. It's got cream cheese, and smoked salmon, and capers.

Margot:                                  Well hold it up! We can't see it.

Rosemary:                             Can you see it now?

Julianna:                                Oh Rosemary, that looks great!  Classic!

Rosemary:                             And I've a piece of lemon to sprinkle over it too.

Margot:                                  Good thinking! Now then, Rosemary, you pass the baton, as it were, say who should go next.

Rosemary:                             Oh, can I do that?  Let me see. Duncan?

Margot:                                  Go for it, Duncan.

Duncan:                                 Oh, ok.  I've got toast with tahini and kimchi. There you are.

Margot:                                  Nice.. Very healthy. Good looking toast there too.

Freddie:                                 Isn't that all hot and spicy?

Duncan:                                 Sure is, Freddie.

Freddie:                                 Good. I reckon I would like that.

Margot:                                  Pass the baton, Duncan.

Duncan:                                 Oh, sure. Who hasn't gone yet? Ah.... Oh. Julianna

Julianna:                                Moi!  Ok, here it is. Bread and butter pudding. With a difference.

Rosemary:                             What's the difference?

Julianna:                                Well, my custard is flavoured with sloe gin.

Margot:                                  Nice idea!  I'll be right over!  But I have a question, Julianna.

Julianna:                                Yes?

Margot:                                  Well, I understood you were struggling to keep up with your family's appetite for the fresh bread.  Did you use fresh bread? Before they could get to it?

Julianna:                                No. I knew it would be better if it were a bit stale, so I saved some and kept it in my wardrobe for 3 days. I was terrified it would go mouldy. But it just went slightly dry, so! I gave it a shot.

Margot:                                  Well it looks good, and I'm confident it will taste wonderful. And now, who's left? Oh, Caroline! There you go, your turn.

Caroline:                                Oh no, Margot. I don't really count here. You don't need anything from me.

Margot:                                  But why on earth not?  You are part of the team, Caro. And I'm sure you saw my message, asking everyone to bring something for the party. Come on.  What have you got?

Caroline:                                Well, I, I don't really know, I was really busy this week, and I--

Freddie:                                 What's that? What's that she's got there?

Caroline:                                Oh my goodness!!!

Julianna:                                It looks delicious, Caroline. And beautiful texture. Oh you are clever, you know.

Caroline:                                But I--

Margot:                                  That looks like a brioche, Caroline. Did you make sourdough brioche?

Caroline:                                Is that what it is?  I mean, is that what you call it?  I just - I tried something a bit different, and I - I'm not sure--

Freddie:                                 She's got 3 hands. Caroline, how come you've got three hands? That's really weird.

Rosemary:                             Oh yes, how funny. I can see them too.

Margot:                                  Caroline, darling. Just hold up your plate a little higher, will you?  We'd love to see it properly.

Caroline:                                Oh. Right. Just a minute.

Margot:                                  And give Pierre a shout, would you sweetie?  We'd love to say hi to him. Pierre?  Are you there?

Caroline:                                Oh. Yes, um... Pierre, come on darling. Margot want to have a word.

Pierre:                                    Oh. Sure. Hi Margot. Howzit going? You ok? Everything dinkie-die over there in the land of Oz?

Margot:                                  Too right, mate. How about you?

Pierre:                                    I'm pretty good thanks. Good to see you. Did you see what Caro made?  Pretty good, eh? Fair dinkum. Eh? Know what I mean?

Margot:                                  Absolutely fair dinkum, matey.  Great job.  Great job.

Pierre:                                    Right well, better get on. Let you get on with your class. Graduation, eh? Congratulations everybody. Bye.

EVERYBODY:                      Thanks Pierre/Cheers/thank you very much

Margot:                                  And there we have it. Full marks all round. Let the graduation ceremonial feast begin!

[CLATTER OF CROCKERY]

Rosemary:                             I so want to see Freddie biting into his Dog ward sandwich!

Freddie:                                 [MOUTH FULL] Dagwood!

Duncan:                                 What's that, Freddie?

Freddie:                                 I said Dagwood? [ALMOST CHOKING]

Julianna:                                Sorry, Freddie ?  I didn't catch that.

Freddie:                                 [SWALLOWS] It's a Dagwood! Not a dog ward.

Duncan:                                 Oh... Good oh.  Enjoy!

Margot:                                  Oh my.... I wish we could all be in the same room. This Zoom is obviously better than nothing, but - oh well.

Freddie:                                 I'm raising my glass to you, Margot!  You're a great teacher..

Margot:                                  Gosh Freddie!  That's very kind of you to say so.  You're a pretty great student!  Congratulations.  What on earth is in that glass?  It's not black wine, is it?

Freddie:                                 No! It's Guinness. I couldn't find the big tumbler, so I had to use the wine glass.

Margot:                                  Well, I'm sure it'll taste just as good.  I raise my cup of tea to you. Cheers!

Everybody:                            Cheers!/Well done/ Well done everybody/ Well done us! Thanks Margot!

Caroline:                                Yes, indeed, thank you so much, Margot.  You've been just marvellous. We've all learnt so much, haven't we?  Let's have 3 cheers for Margot, Hip Hip

everybody:                            Hooray

Caroline:                                Hip Hip

Everybody :                           Hooray

Caroline:                                Hip Hip

Everybody:                            Hooray.

Pierre:                                    Here you are darling. Glass of Chardonnay for you. 

Caroline:                                Oh, thank you. That's lovely. Cheers!

Pierre:                                    Or, Up your nose with a rubber nose!

Caroline:                                Pierre!

Pierre:                                    What?  Good old fashioned Aussie toast!

Duncan:                                 What was it again, Pierre?  Up your nose with what?

Pierre:                                    Up your nose, with a rubber hose.

Everybody:                            Up your nose with a rubber hose!

Caroline:                                Well, really.

Everybody:                            [MUCH LAUGHTER AND HILARITY]

FLLOYD: That was “Breaded Bliss” the final episode of “Baked Off!”  The cast, in order of appearance, was: Flloyd Kennedy as Margot, Karim Kronfli as Mr Kandinsky, Piyush Argwal as Raman Gujral, Frankii Phoenix as Angelica, Erika Sanderson as Julianna, Andrew Durning as Marcy, Christopher McDougall as Duncan, Wendy Lap as Heather, Rob Pensalfini as Arthur Brownlow, Andrea Richardson as Caroline, Roy R Carruthers as Freddie, Wendy Lap as Rosemary and Karim Kronfli as Pierre.

The musical themes were composed, arranged and performed by John T La Barbera. Editing and sound design by Flloyd Kennedy, who also wrote and produced the podcast. 

Please share this with a friend, or a random stranger. Tell them they will find it at bakedoffpodcast.com, or wherever they listen to podcasts. Or if they don’t, then it might be a good place to start!

Thanks to the Fable and Folly Network for their support, both practical and emotional. Thanks to everyone who donated to the crowd funding campaign. I’m happy to report that all of the actors and John received an honorarium in return for their generous gifts of their time and talents.