A Starter is Born

FLLOYD: Hi there, Flloyd Kennedy here. Welcome to Episode 2 of “Baked Off! - Live, Laugh Loaves”. In Episode One we met several individuals on opposite sides of the planet, who meet by chance in an online cookery course and whose lives are impacted, one way or another, by this chance encounter. Each episode will focus more on one of them, as we learn more about their lives and situations; and each episode they come together again online, to continue their sourdough bread-baking adventures. Here is Episode 2, “A Starter is Born” Enjoy!

SCOTTISH MUSIC PLAYING.

 PHONE RINGING

DUNCAN:                              Yes?  Hello?  Oh, Dr Brownlow! Hi, it's Duncan McGill here. Thanks for getting back to me.

ARTHUR:                              Not a problem, mate. Sorry I didn't call you sooner, it's been a bit hectic around here.

DUNCAN:                              Oh not at all. So... How is she?  Margot? Is she... Is she ok?

ARTHUR:                              Absolutely ok. She's a very tough cookie that one. Maybe you knew that?

DUNCAN:                              Well... I did get that impression. But I only met her the once, on the Zoom call that night.

ARTHUR:                              Oh! Right. Oh, I thought you were a family friend.

DUNCAN:                              No, not at all. We were just on a Zoom meeting, a class, that Margot was running. And when she collapsed, she gave us your details to contact you.

ARTHUR:                              Oh I see.  Right.  And she was running this Zoom class?  Right. She is just unbelievable. Supposed to be resting. But no, won't listen to a word I say.

DUNCAN:                              She's been ill?

ARTHUR:                              Indeed she has. Had a major heart attack, four months ago. Only been out of rehab for a few weeks.

DUNCAN:                              But, you did say - she's ok? 

ARTHUR:                              Well, it's all relative. She's an old lady, turned 80 earlier this year. She's come through it all pretty well, and now this. Well, don't worry! This was just a minor cardiac infarction. She's very lucky, still got all her faculties, just pretty tired of course.

DUNCAN:                              Oh lord. But that doesn't sound too good. Isn't that a heart attack?

ARTHUR:                              Yes, but on a small scale, so to speak. Don't worry too much. She is really in pretty good nick for her age, all things considered. Just not quite as good as she likes to think. So what was this Zoom call, meeting thingy all about?

DUNCAN:                              It was a cookery class.

ARTHUR:                              Ah. Well that makes sense. And did she set it all up?  I had no idea she was up with the online technology

DUNCAN:                              No, it was set up by someone else, and Margot was the guest teacher. Sour dough bread.

ARTHUR:                              Hah! Sour dough bread.  Yes. She's extremely good at that.  Really knows her stuff. And was this a one off thing?

DUNCAN:                              Oh no, there are supposed to be 8 sessions altogether.

ARTHUR:                              How often. And how long?

DUNCAN:                              Once a week, one hour, for 8 weeks.  What do you think? Can she still do it?

ARTHUR:                              It wouldn't surprise me in the least.  I shall, of course, advise against it. But as I said, she doesn't listen to a word I say.

FADES OUT

SCENE 2 JULIANNA MUSIC

DUNCAN IS AT THE OTHER END OF THE PHONE

JULIANNA:                            and does Dr Brownlow think--well-- does he think she'll be able to carry on with the course?

DUNCAN:                              He thinks she probably will, although he doesn't think she should.  He asked us to keep an eye on her, let him know if we think she's overdoing it.

JULIANNA:                            We can do that, certainly. Such a shame - for her, I mean.  She's so full of life!  Ok then, thanks for letting me know. Such a relief.

DUNCAN:                              Have you heard from Caroline?

JULIANNA:                            Not yet. Hang on while I check my email again...

DUNCAN:                              Me too.

KEYBOARD CLICKS

O-oh! Here we go.

JULIANNA:                            Yes, me too. Dear All, apologies for the disruption the other night, blah-de-blah-

DUNCAN:                              de-blah, yeah!  Oh, here we go, "Class will be at 3 pm this week, because we won't have Margot, but we shall soldier on, and get our first loaf ready for the oven.  Please have your starter, strong flour and filtered water ready." Yikes!

JULIANNA:                            Yes indeed. She's assuming our starters have all taken off.

DUNCAN:                              Hasn't yours?

JULIANNA:                            It started off ok, the first couple of days, but yesterday it just sat there after I fed it. Doing nothing. Shrinking, if anything.

DUNCAN:                              Oh. Well, I did read that that happens sometimes, you just keep going, only feeding it more often.

JULIANNA:                            Really?  I thought maybe I'd have to start again. 

DUNCAN:                              It was someone on Youtube. And they should know...

JULIANNA:                            Of course they should.

DUNCAN:                              I'll send you the link.

JULIANNA:                            Oh thanks so much. Well,  I'll keep the faith.  Quite exciting, really. Isn't it?  And terrifying, all at the same time.

DUNCAN:                              I know what you mean.

SAMMY:                                [IN THE DISTANCE] Mu-um?

JULIANNA:                            Gotta go.  See you on the Zoom on Thursday!

DUNCAN:                              Will do. Good luck!

SCENE 3 Duncan Malcy

SCOTTISH MUSIC

SUPERMARKET AMBIENCE

CRASH OF TROLLEYS

DUNCAN:                              Wha-?  Not again.

MALCOLM:                           Oh so sorry mate.  Oh I didnae see ya.

DUNCAN:                              No, you wouldn't.  Ouch!  They should put up traffic lights, or a mirror or something. Stop signs.

MALCOLM :                          [LAUGHING] Aye, so they should.  So's we can see round corners, eh? Maybe they should make the aisles curved. Like a spiral heh? So ye have to go all the way in on one side, and come all the way out on the other side. [CONCERNED] Y'alright mate? Hey. Hang on. I know you.

DUNCAN:                              [IN PAIN] No ye don't.

MALCOLM:                           Aye, ah dae.  Duncan!  Duncan Donut! It's you mate, innit? Do ye no' remember me? It's Malcy!! Malcolm Fancini! Fae Uni! Dundee Uni? Naw? Computer Science! Yeah?

DUNCAN:                              Computer Sci...  Malcy? Oh aye, it's you right enough. Malcy Fancini--Spaghettini!

MALCOLM:                           Ye do remember me! That's great. How're ye daein' matey? Duncan Donut as ever I lived. Good tae see ye.

DUNCAN:                              Yeah.  You too Malcy.

MALCOLM:                           Ooh yer bleedin'!  Did ah dae that? Ah'm so sorry. C'mon, let's get ye sorted. I'll buy ye a tea. Tea alright?  Ye want something stronger?

DUNCAN:                              No-ho-ho-ho.  No, tea, sounds good.  Let's get out of here. Gotta pay for this lot.

MALCOLM:                           What's this? Strong bread flour? Wow! You intae the baking? Yeah? Me too.

DUNCAN:                              Really?

MALCOLM:                           Yeah. Sausage and chips. That's my speciality.

DUNCAN:                              Not quite baking though?

MALCOLM:                           It is the way ah dae it.

THEY ARE WALKING OFF TO THE CHECKOUT,

BORED CHECKOUT MAN:     How're you doing?

CHECKOUT MACHINE TINGS.

MALCY:                                 I drop the sausages intae a pan full of batter, bung 'em in the oven with the chips. Fancy eh?

CHECKOUT GIRL:              That'll be £6.40. Cash or card?

DUNCAN:                              Card thanks.

CARD READER TINGS.

Hang on!  Isn't that called Toad in the Hole?

MALCOLM:                           Is it???

BORED Checkout MAN:     Have a nice day. Oh! Don't you want your receipt?

SCENE 4 Duncan Malcy Heather

CAFE AMBIENCE

DUNCAN:                              It was a bit like falling off a cliff at first, but after a while I had about half a dozen clients, and that kept me off the dole.

MALCOLM:                           You never went on the dole!

DUNCAN:                              Did so too! Had too. My Dad was made redundant, he and Mum couldn't afford to help out.

MALCOLM:                           How long did you last? On the unemployment?

DUNCAN:                              until the 3^rd time they sent me on a retraining course. I think it was 'how to write a resume', utterly mindlessly useless.

MALCOLM                            You're not wrong.

DUNCAN                               I could have taught it way better than the people who ran it. But fortunately that's when I got my first client. Chap on the same course, wanting a website for his motorbike shop. And introduced me to a mate of his who wanted help designing a video game.

MALCOLM:                           Cool. And now you're retraining to be a baker!

DUNCAN:                              What?  [LAUGHS] No. Just a bit of fun. What are you doing for fun?

MALCOLM:                           I'm playing in a band.

HEATHER:                            Duncan!  There you are again!  How are you?

DUNCAN:                              Oh.... Hi Heather.  Nice to see you. 

HEATHER:                            I called round last week, but I don't think you were in!  Didn't you have a Zoom thing on?

DUNCAN:                              Ye-es. Yes I did. But I was at Malcolm's place. Wasn't I, Malcy?

MALCOLM:                           Ooh aye. He was at mines. Yeah! I wanted to watch it

HEATHER:                            Oh.  Oh well, maybe see you at the weekend.

DUNCAN:                              Ah, this weekend? No, I'm going climbing. The whole weekend away. Looking forward to it, eh Malcolm?

MALCOLM:                           Ooh aye.  Wouldnae miss it.  Just the lads, eh?

DUNCAN:                              Yes. Just the lads. You take care, Heather.  Nice to see you.

HEATHER:                            Oh. Yes.  Yes, of course. Nice to see you. Bye. Bye bye.  Bye - er - Malcolm, right?  You do have handsome friends, don't you Duncan?  That's Glaswegian yer speaking, isn't it? I love a Glaswegian accent.

MALCOLM:                           Is that right?  Well, I've got the hang of it, alright.  I can speak it all day - and night, if you know what I mean...

HEATHER:                            Oh, you.... [GIGGLES FLIRTATIOUSLY]

DUNCAN:                              Oh my... Ok, I'm off, got to ready for my Zoom class. Thanks for the tea.

HEATHER:                            Bit early for it, aren't you? It's only 2 o'clock.

DUNCAN:                              Oh yes, we've having it at 3 this week. Good to see you Malcy. Give me a call, eh. You've got my number.

MALCOLM:                           Wha-?  Oh, yeah. Right. Will do mate.  Take care, eh?  , Now what can I get you, Heather? Is that right?  What a lovely name. 

HEATHER:                            Skinny flat white thanks.  That'll do me nicely, Malcolm.

MUSIC. ENGLISH

SCENE 5. ZOOM

CAROLINE:                          and so sadly, Margot won't be with us this time which is why we could start earlier, but that's all right. She's sent me instructions for the next stage, so let's get organised, make sure we've all got everything we need in front of us. 

FREDDIE:                             Just like on the telly, eh Caro?

CAROLINE:                          What?  Oh.  I suppose so.  Yes, let's do it just like they do on the telly. Now. You can see here, I've got my jar with my starter in it.  Can you all hold yours up in front of the camera?

CLINKING OF GLASS AND CROCKERY

Right then.  I can see yours Rosemary. Oh wow! That's huge!  When did you feed it last, sweetheart?

ROSEMARY:                        About four hours ago.

CAROLINE:                          Ok. Well done. And Julianna? Oh yes, that's quite good isn't it?

JULIANNA:                            Is it?  I don't think it's actually doubled.

ROSEMARY:                        Oh?  Is it only supposed to be double?

DUNCAN:                              I think it's pretty relative, don't you think, Caroline?

CAROLINE:                          Relative?  I - I don't know. Margot didn't say anything about relativity.

FREDDIE:                             Faster than the speed of light, maybe?

CAROLINE:                          Oh don't be silly, Freddie. It's got nothing to do with the speed of light.

FREDDIE:                             I just meant, E = MC squared.

ROSEMARY:                        What?  What is he saying?  Is he even speaking English?

FREDDIE:                             Well! That's just rude. I speak English perfectly well.

CAROLINE:                          I think we may have gone a little off track here. Please, everybody, calm down. I still haven't assessed all of the starters. Now Freddie, where is yours?

FREDDIE:                             It's here. I don't think it worked. It's just sitting in there, looking bubbly.

CAROLINE:                          Bubbly?  Oh but Freddie!! That's marvellous!  Those bubbles are just what we want!  Margot says so, here in her notes: "The mixture should be full of tiny bubbles, and look soggy on top". Freddie!  That's amazing!

FREDDIE:                             Oh.... Well, alright. You don't have to sound so surprised.

CAROLINE:                          But I AM surprised, you don't usually--I mean, you've never--oh, never mind. Duncan. Where is yours?

DUNCAN:                              There you go.

CAROLINE:                          Oh. Well, that looks good too.  Well done. Well done everybody!  Oh, Margot will be so pleased.

FREDDIE:                             Is she Ok?  She didn't die then?

CAROLINE:                          No, Freddie. She's absolutely fine. Just under doctor's orders to take it easy this week. Alright?

FREDDIE:                             Sure.  Just checking.

CAROLINE:                          Good. Now. Have you all got your two bowls?  And your flour and water and salt all measured out?   Yes, looking good! Oh.  [MUTTERS] This is going to be easier than I thought. So!  Now you need to measure out 160 grams of your starter into the small bowl, and then add the 230 grams of water.

ROSEMARY:                        What about the flour?  When does that go in?

CAROLINE:                          Patience, please Rosemary.  One step at a time. First, you mix the starter with your warm water.

FREDDIE:                             Warm water?  You never said it had to be warm water!

CAROLINE:                          Yes we did, Freddie. Don't you remember last week, Margot said warm water. Not hot. Not cold. Warm!!!

FREDDIE:                             Oh.  I thought that was just for the starter.

CAROLINE:                          Oh lord give me patience. Just mix your water with your starter. Let's get on.  We haven't got all day!

SOUND OF WATER AND STARTER SLOPPING INTO A BOWL.

And then, just a minute - oh here it is - "stir it roughly with your fingers, to distribute it fairly smoothly"

SOUND OF WATER SLOPPING ABOUT

ROSEMARY:                        It's making an awful mess here.  Am I doing it right?

DUNCAN:                              I think you maybe went at it a bit too roughly?

CAROLINE:                          Yes. Try to keep it in the bowl, or you'll disturb the proportions.

JULIANNA:                            Gosh!  Are the proportions so sensitive? 

DUNCAN:                              [HE GETS THE JOKE] Yes, we wouldn't want them to be disturbed, would we?

CAROLINE:                          [WHO DOESN'T GET THE JOKE] No! It's very important not to disturb them.

DUNCAN AND JULIANNA SNIGGER LIKE CHILDREN

Now!  Have we all done that? Good. I'm going to send you into the breakout rooms to mix your 400 grams of flour, with the 10 grams of salt in the big bowl. And then put the wet mixture into the dry mixture and mix it up with your hands. And while you are doing that, you can share your starter adventures of the week!  Isn't that fun?

SCENE 6. AUSTRALIA MUSIC Arthur Margot

RIVER AND BIRDS OF BRISBANE

ARTHUR:                              Thought I might find you here.

MARGOT:                             Oh!  Hi Arthur.  Are you stalking me?

ARTHUR:                              Indeed I am.  Do you mind?

MARGOT:                             Hmmm.  Let me think about that.  .... No, not really.  But you do not need to! I'm being good. Look at me, sitting in the shade, doing nothing.  Watching the river go by.  How about you? Don't you have a practice to run? Or is everybody so healthy these days, they don't need doctors any more?

ARTHUR:                              Oh that is never going to happen. Doctors will always be necessary. But I have partners, you know.

MARGOT:                             Ah yes. Wiley Willy Askew.

ARTHUR:                              And Raman Gujral

MARGOT:                             The Hindu lad?  I thought he was just a locum.

ARTHUR:                              Not any more. Full partner now.

MARGOT:                             Well done him then. So you've been expanding, in more ways than one.

ARTHUR:                              Oh, ho ho ho. Very droll. So what are you up to? Following my advice? For a change?

MARGOT:                             I most certainly am. Taking it easy, enjoying the peace and quiet, watching the river flow by as the day flows by...

ARTHUR:                              Very impressive. And how about tomorrow?

MARGOT:                             What do you mean?

ARTHUR:                              What have you planned for tomorrow? Simple question.

MARGOT:                             Oh. More of the same. Hanging around. Talking to the birds. Maybe a bit of... I dunno. Check my email? That's allowed No?

ARTHUR:                              Check your starter?

MARGOT:                             Check my starter - what do you mean? Why would I check my starter?  Do you need a fresh loaf?

ARTHUR:                              I always need a fresh loaf, you know that.

MARGOT:                             You do know you don't actually NEED it, Arthur?  You do know that, don't you? Because once you've got it, you have to eat it, don't you?

ARTHUR:                              That's my plan.

MARGOT:                             And that inevitably means eating loads of butter as well, doesn't it?

ARTHUR:                              You are absolutely 100% correct. Sourdough bread was invented as a pleasant base for the butter to soak into,

MARGOT:                             Aren't you ever worried about your weight?

ARTHUR:                              If I worried about my weight, my dear friend, I would have to then start worrying about all the new trousers I would have to buy if I lost any of it.

MARGOT:                             Oh. So it's a matter of economics.  Not your health. Why is it that doctors are the unhealthiest people on the planet?

ARTHUR:                              I do think that is a bit of an exaggeration...

MARGOT:                             Really?  [THINKS] Nah!

SCENE 7 ZOOM AGAIN

SEVERAL PEOPLE SPEAKING AT ONCE

ROSEMARY:                        and mine is still lumpy and bumpy. It looks awful!

FREDDIE:                             That was fun, getting my hands all mucky. Am I allowed to lick them clean?

JULIANNA:                            Well, it's certainly clumped, that's for sure.

CAROLINE:                          Alright alright everybody, settle down. We're all back, Now. Hold up your bowls so that we can all see each other's dough. Thaaaank you.  Oh!

DUNCAN:                              What it is? 

CAROLINE:                          Oh nothing. It's just.... Well I.... 

JULIANNA:                            Is there something the matter, Caroline?  Did we all do it wrong? Wrongly?

CAROLINE:                          [BIG UNCERTAIN SIGH]. Oh dear.  I really don't know.  Oh, why isn't Margot here?  It's not fair, she shouldn't have abandoned us like this.

DUNCAN:                              I don't think she's abandoned us.  She gave you all the instructions to pass on to us.  What do you think we've done wrong?  They all look like rough balls of some kind of dough to me.

ROSEMARY:                        And me.

FREDDIE:                             Rough. Yes. Too rough?  Is that the problem?  What does yours look like, Caroline?

ROSEMARY:                        Yes. Good idea. Show us yours Caroline.

CAROLINE:                          Oh, ... ehm... that won't be necessary. Hahaha. You don't need to see mine.  Yours are just lovely. Well done everybody.  Now you know what to do next, don't you?

DUNCAN:                              Not really.  I don't think we've had any instructions beyond mixing the stuff together.

CAROLINE:                          Oh, right. Of course. I'll read out the next bit of the instructions from Margot.  Where did I put them? Ah, Here they are. Are you all ready?  You'll need to write it down. Yes? Good. thumbs up. Oh!  Thumbs floating all over the screen! Very amusing.  Right, here we go:  Cover the bowl, and leave it for an hour. Then, stretch the dough a few times, folding it over on itself until it feels soft and smooth.  Do this again at hourly intervals 3 times. Then shape it into a nice ball, place it into your proving bowls, cover and put it in the fridge overnight. Got that?  Ok.  In the morning, Take it out of the fridge, turn on the oven to 250 degrees centigrade, 450 Fahrenheit . Put your cast iron Dutch oven in the actual oven to heat up. After 30 minutes, tip your dough into the hot Dutch oven, slice the top of it with a sharp knife, put the lid back on and put it in the oven for about 25 minutes.   Everybody still with me.  No? What's the problem Freddie. [SIGH]

FREDDIE:                             What's a Dutch oven? How do you put an oven inside an oven?

CAROLINE:                          Oh, for goodness sake, Freddie.  How should I know? That's why I asked Margot to do this

DUNCAN:                              Hey Freddie! Freddie... A Dutch oven is one of these.  Look, it's a heavy saucepan with a good lid. One that you can put in the oven.

FREDDIE:                             Well I don't have one of those.

ROSEMARY:                        Neither do I!  So we can't bake the bread then?

DUNCAN:                              Yes, you can.  You can just put it into a loaf tin, and put a bowl of hot water under it, on the bottom shelf of the oven. Like, don't put the loaf tin into the water, put it on the middle shelf. With the bowl of water underneath.

JULIANNA:                            So it makes steam in the oven?  Of course, that's pretty clever, isn't it Caroline?

CAROLINE:                          Yes. Yes of course.  I thought everybody knew that.

FREDDIE:                             So is that it?  You just cook it for - how long?

ROSEMARY AND CAROLINE TOGETHER

ROSEMARY:                        About 25 minutes!

CAROLINE:                          About 25 minutes!  Then you take the lid off, and leave it in the oven for a further 10 to 15 minutes, until it is golden brown enough to your liking.

ROSEMARY:                        To my liking?  How should I know what is golden brown enough to my liking?  I've never made it before.

DUNCAN:                              No, but I'm sure you've eaten it.  Haven't you?

ROSEMARY:                        Me?  No. I don't think so.

CAROLINE:                          You mean you've never tasted sourdough bread?  But but  but, what are you  doing on the course, if you don't even know what it is??

ROSEMARY:                        Well, it was the next course that you offered!  You didn't say we had to know what it was? What is it, anyway?  Why is it different from any other bread?

CAROLINE:                          Oh, spare me. I don't believe this. I'm sorry, Rosemary. Not your fault.  I should have made it clear.  Now... I'm just too distressed. I simply cannot do this.  Will somebody please explain to Rosemary what sourdough bread is. I can't wait to hear this. Julianna?

JULIANNA:                            Oh no, not me.  I'm pretty sure Duncan has a good idea, and he's really good at explaining things. Duncan? 

DUNCAN:                              Oh. Me!  Well, It's called sourdough, I think, because it actually does have a slightly sour taste.

ROSEMARY:                        Really?  Why would anyone want to eat sour tasting bread? That's insane!

DUNCAN:                              Not really, Rosemary.  It's - just different. Not everybody likes it, of course.

ROSEMARY:                        But you do?

DUNCAN:                              Oh yes, I love it.

ROSEMARY:                        Oh....  Oh ....  Alright then. I'll keep going. Always happy to try something different.  It's only flour and water, after all, so if it's rubbish I'm not wasting a lot of money.

CAROLINE:                          Good!  Well l'm glad we've got that settled.  [SIGH]. Right then. Let's call it a night. 

JULIANNA:                            Caroline!  Caroline!!

CAROLINE:                          Yes, what is it, Julianna?

JULIANNA:                            Could you pop the instructions into the chat?  Please?

CAROLINE:                          Oh, Now how do I do that?

DUNCAN:                              Copy and paste them in, Caroline.  We can all download them then. 

CAROLINE:                          Really?  Can you do that?

DUNCAN:                              Yes, there's a 'copy' feature where the 3 little dots are beside the post.

CAROLINE:                          Oh, right.  Just a minute.

FREDDIE:                             You're pretty good with the tech stuff, eh Dunkie?

DUNCAN:                              I hope so, Freddie.  It's my job!

CAROLINE:                          Did that go through?  Can you see it?

JULIANNA:                            Yes, thanks Caroline.

ROSEMARY:                        Oh yes, I'm doing it now. Thank you. Thanks Duncan!

DUNCAN:                              Not at all.

CAROLINE:                          Right, now has everyone got it alright? Just give me a thumbs up please?  Yes? Oh, hearts now! How sweet... Thank you. Well then... Good luck!  And don't forget to take photos of your loaves when they come out of the oven, and post them on the Facebook page. Alright?    Good. Goodnight, see you next week.

EVERYBODY CALLS OUT GOODNIGHT.

FLLOYD: That was “Old Friends and Fresh Starters” Episode 2, of Baked Off!  In this episode you heard, in order of hearing them:

Christopher McDougall as Duncan

Rob Pensalfini as Arthur

Erika Sanderson as Julianna

Frankii Phoenix as Sammy

Andrew Durning as Malcy

Roy Carruthers as the Checkout person

Wendy Lap as Heather

Flloyd Kennedy as Margot

Andrea Richardson as Caroline

Wendy Lap as Rosemary

Roy Carruthers as Freddie

The theme music for the series, and for the Zoom class, is composed and performed by John T La Barbera, who also arranged and performed the themes for Scotland, England and Australia, which are based on the traditional folk tunes “Comin’ Thru the Rye”, “An English Country Garden” and “Waltzing Matilda - the Queensland version”.

You can support the podcast with a small donation, or with a regular subscription at buymeacoffee.com/bakedoffpodcast or on patreon.com/BakedOffPodcast. There are extra perks and possibilities on both sites.

I also want to express my gratitude to the Fable and Folly Network for their support. So honoured to be a member!

Thanks for listening, stay safe.